We're Green, we're ickle and we're really, really annoying. You wake up one morning and you find a horde of goblins crushed into your hut and you just think god I must have had too much last night.
Well as one of few goblin players and supporters in the world I shall give a ye a tour of the wonderful creatures called goblins. Unlike rats we don't carry a plague with us (no matter how dirty we look) so you are alright to stay and read this article.
It is said by Rogukani that we are the original failure of Fu Leng (geez I thought that was the Phoenix). Well as an official goblin theorist i would disagree but yet again I digress. Where was I. Oh yeah, I was telling you how my great gran ma can spit a pea at...sorry ah there I was.....
Well failure or not we have always been ready and willing to do to things. We ain't stupid, for this, in many ways, is a built in population control thing but heh Goblins range like humans from the idiotic (crab- come on sleeping with rats and naga not even we baccemono would do that ...ick) to the ones who can't keep their mouths shut, to the strong and eventually onto the wise.
In recent years Rogukani have noticed a growing intelligence in us due to more and more of us learning your language. Well if that's how you measure your smarts well you're all as thick as magic mud (have any one of you learnt our language yet, sheesh).
Well where do we hang out in our spare time? The Big Stink. This as a city goes is pretty damn civilized. Ask the Kuni, they love it. Maybe that's why out of all the shadowlands to help the crab it was us who did it.....hmm. For a big tough man Kisada wouldn't have lived as long as he did if it wasn't for our man's intervention. By the way do any of you know what a KOLAT is.I been told it's apparently a man under a big rock but don't ask me. Geeba geeba ge ge geeba geeeba geeba ge ge scorpion. Oh sorry you know Rogukani isn't my first language.
Our society is broken up mainly into the female goblins, who do whatever they want they don't even do what the warmongers say (huh, what can I say, women!).Then there is your average joe goblin, these guys make up the back bone of the army.Then there are the faithful Shugenja, the wizards and shamans(don't see them being idiots and running of to join the phoenix). Finally there are the warmongers, the leaders and hardboys. Apparently there are goblins out there called goblin kings but I ain't met a goblin who nose one yet.
Explanations as to why some goblins are hard to kill: Well it's really quiet simple when their is a warmonger charging at you he rarely is on his own. Actually there is at least twenty other goblins. Now if you can hit a specific goblin that's good for you, but most of ye can't hold a sword like the way my great grand ma could spit a pea.
Our main guys:
Kappuksu - A great warmonger who has proved his worth
Orschat - a Goblin hero (we all ain't so sure of that but you can read the story)
Goblin Shaman- with Kaede Sensei this goblin can hand out cavalry to our men real well.
Goblin Wizard- best damn shugenja the shadowlands have ever seen when he's on home territory.
Goblin Warmonger - they lead the troops
Mountain goblin- not much use other than setting alight with magic mud
Exalted Ugu- he don't like war much.
Good Followers:
Goblin Chuckers- come on not much better out there
Goblin Sneaks - Don't die, they just run away.
Swamp Goblins - what fat goblins you have! ALL THE BETTER TO BEAT YOU WITH.
Strongholds:
Shadowlands Horde -We don't fight all that good in this house
Goblin Housey (Spawning Grounds) - the best one for us as this gives us the force boosters to go and be a competitive enough deck.
Sepulcher of WHAT????
Regions:
The one and only big stink - it's right hard to beat us here!
Deck types:
Military & Goblin Enlightenment (I ain't goin' ta give a deck listing for that here but that is basically goblins defend while wizards and a couple of oni enlighten)
2x The Exalted Ugu
3x Goblin Shaman
3x Goblin Warmonger
1x Kappuksu
3x Goblin Wizard
3x Orschat
3x Mountain Goblin
Big Stink
There is no Hope
Fallen Lion Fortress
Doom of the Brotherhood
Troll Raiders
Winter Warfare
12 Standard corrupt gold
Inheritance
The Writings of Kuni Yori
The Festering Pit of Fu Leng
Fate:
Sensei- Kaede
3 Goblin Mob
3 Swamp Goblins
3 Goblin Chuckers
1 Goblin Sneaks
3 Sneak attacks
3 Magic Mud
3 Evil Portents
3 Rallying Cry
3 Take the Initiative
3 Goblin War Standard
3 Avoid Fate
1 Ring of Void
1 Ring of Fire
3 Storms of War
3 Deadly Grounds
3 Stand Against the Waves
The deck works alright but due to the speed of the current environment it is not competitive enough but if it can survive early game it has no problem of putting over a hundred force on the table.
If you've lost you complete attention span you can leave now but if you still haven't had enough torture read on:
How Orschat became a hero!!!
Many years ago, under the command of warmonger Tengu Kyouteki (myself), a group of goblin chuckers and mobsters were on a training mission. The group was good, loyal, dim, and reckless. What else could I ask from my boys. Yet there was an exception a single white eyed goblin called Orschat. Now this guy was a complete loner who wouldn't part take in any of the head smashing contests or the rat hunts. In fairness he did pretty much nothing at all (boy could he have used some of bashers club).
At night he used to make up these elaborate tales real nice spoken and all (not like the way I tell things) about him arm wrestling with onis and caring for poor little mujina. Now he was big and looked pretty strong but I don't think he was that strong.
Well, one night we woz all asleep and all I hear is this yelpin' and shoutin' an I go "wots the racket!" Lookin' up, I see this huge oni with great big teeth, huge, long talons and glowing red eye's. This oni was munchin' down my mob. Sheesh onis, no bloody manners.! Any how, my chuckers start a chuckin' and soon the oni turns tail (knocking most of us over with it) and leaves. Well Orschat disappears right after him carrying this really nice and sparkly sword.
Days go by and we move on. No sign of Orschat anywhere but hey it's only one guy. One evening we were scouting this area when I got a holler
"Uh boss, over here."
Well I mope on over and I find Orschat sitting there in front of the others telling them how he slayed the great and terrible oni. When he was finished there was a huge cheer and even I was mildly impressed, and from that day on he was a hero among our race, known as the white eyed slayer of onis.
I'm not sure you believe this. I'm not so sure how much I believe it, for when I inspected the onis body there was a jade arrow in it's back. The body was fresh, Orschat had fresh scars, but what really happened that day? Know one will know.